Your sunshine is oozing

Just before I was studying, trying to write the essay I would finish today, thinking of how badly I wanted to stop for the night, I thought of something I desperately wanted to write down. Now I have stopped studying for the night, I have no idea what it was I needed to write so desperately. I'm tired, it's 10.30 so that's pretty normal.

We had a flat inspection today, which meant I had to clean and tidy and when I wasn't I was thinking about it. But it's over now, we passed, as always. I got an essay back today, one I had been dreading, one I was nervous about going back to uni over, in case the lecturer saw me and said how astoundingly shit it was or even just cast a disappointed look my way. I saw an essay in the box he carried around last week and for most of the lesson I felt as though there was a lake in my tummy, but he didn't give it to me. Today he did, at the beginning of class, he forgot last week. I said 'ohthankyou' quieter and meeker than any fictional mouse*. I slid it under my book. Five minutes later I slid it into my bag. every 10 or so minutes after that I would look in my bag for something, once I even opened the pages a little, peeking down looking for the fateful letter, but I lost nerve. If I felt like I had a lake in my tummy last week, today I had a sea and a torrential storm. At the break I checked my phone, twice, then barely noticing I turned to the back page. There it was. it must be a joke. I was ecstatic! I felt like sunshine was oozing out my face. A - . I must still be a writer at heart because in both essays I have gotten back the comment I am proudest of is "very well written". Although I do like it when they refer to me as a sociologist as well.

I feel tired and I feel as though there are tears in my tummy. i haven't achieved what i wanted (finishing my essay), then again I have achieved other things (another A- and a clean house). I just feel as though I'm not trying hard enough, if i was I would be finished now. But I am a human being, I need breaks, I need food and sleep, and laughter, and hugs. Sometimes I feel like being a human is getting in the way of me getting things done.

*mouses don't talk, they squeek, unless they're fictional.