Lessons

I seem to keep learning the same lessons over and over again, today that lesson is: just do it*. I have been putting off writing my CV cause it makes me feel shitty (who would want to hire me) and putting off doing the dishes because there are just too many of them and they're icky! But I have done them both today and I don't feel shitty, I feel accomplished. Not just from doing the dishes and writing my CV but from what is in my CV. The good and hard bit about CV's is you have to put the best of you forward. I didn't know how hard it would be. On the up side though I think I like myself more now, I have come face to face with myself and my accomplishments, and I like that person :) I guess that's another lesson I have to keep learning too, to love myself, to like myself and to put that self forward.

*I hate nike so ignore the product placement

News

I got my final results back for my honours year today, and I got FIRST CLASS HONOURS! First I asked Charlie what that meant - that's the best you can get, then I jumped all over the house. I am so incredibly proud, I feel like my entire school life of trying my best but only getting average grades has paid off. I am also a bit in shock.

Uncertainty

I feel heartbroken even though no one has broken my heart. I am fine but I feel like I'm not. My chest feels hollow or filled with tears or both. I am happy but that's not what my body is telling me. Perhaps I'm exhausted. I feel a bit lost and a bit scared. I don't know what is going to happen, I don't know where I will be living in February, I know I want to live here with the tuis and kakas but I don't know if we can afford it. I don't know how we will afford to live in the way we have (with just enough to get by) and I don't know if I will have a job or what it will be. I don't know what I will be doing next year. I don't know what is going on inside or outside of me.