Uncertainty

I feel heartbroken even though no one has broken my heart. I am fine but I feel like I'm not. My chest feels hollow or filled with tears or both. I am happy but that's not what my body is telling me. Perhaps I'm exhausted. I feel a bit lost and a bit scared. I don't know what is going to happen, I don't know where I will be living in February, I know I want to live here with the tuis and kakas but I don't know if we can afford it. I don't know how we will afford to live in the way we have (with just enough to get by) and I don't know if I will have a job or what it will be. I don't know what I will be doing next year. I don't know what is going on inside or outside of me.