Something wonderful is happening. I am starting to want to learn again. I didn't realise until I began to get better but when I was sick I lost the interest in learning. I lost my passion to know and I forgot how it felt to have a 'brainsplosion'.
One night I was watching Stephen Fry's Planet Word and all of a sudden I was inspired, my brain was awoken to all these new and incredible ideas and possibilities, I had had a brainsplosion. Since then, or possibly before it's not so important, I have began to be interested in learning things again. Not just becoming interested in things again, but wanting to bring new things into my life. For me this is a big and wonderful deal. You might be able to tell that just writing this I am filling with excitement.
Not everything is shinny and beautiful for me, I still feel down, anxious and frightened sometimes, probably more than the average person. But now my days are peppered with this wonderful desire to learn new things, to try new things, to do new things. I want to learn to sew, I already have a list of ideas I want to sew and give to the people I love. I want to learn to embroider so I can make those ideas even more pretty. I want to learn to become a better cook and baker, I want to try new recipes, I want to make my own. I want to learn to be a better writer, I want to write, there is so, so very much I want to write. I want to learn to draw and get some of my creativity out of me and onto a piece of paper. I want to learn about language, linguistics. I want to read up on all sorts of incredible subjects.
More than anything else I want to learn and I want to try. I cannot explain how incredible a feeling this is for me, it really, really is wonderful! For me it means hope. But also, it means celebrating and caring for my brain and my mind.This is a difficult thing for me because if I am honest I have not forgiven my brain for those chemical imbalances that had put me and my loved ones through so much and that will likely put me through some more. Learning to live in peace, understanding with my brain is something scary and something wonderful.
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