Terrible and Wonderful

Oh my Great Grandfather! I've finished transcribing! And I'm one day ahead of schedule! It was terrible and wonderful. My fingers cramped up and my brain went cloudy. I feel as though I have spent the last four days in deep conversation with my interviewees, the only thing is I can't tell anyone about my day, it's kind of lonely in that way. But then it's also less lonely because at least while I'm working I have someone to listen to. I hated it on the second day on the third I started to get excited, I think, at least partially because I was getting faster and so it was easier to pay attention to the content of the interviews and people said some really interesting stuff! I am awed by the intelligent and insightful things the parents I interviewed have said. But I have also found it quite emotional. In one interview someone shared with me there favourite memory of their child and I then told my favourite memory of my brother. It was Christmas one year and we had both been given a tin in the shape of a bear filled with pebbles. My tin was on the floor and so was my brother. He saw his target and scooted on his back straight for it. With a careful maneuver of his hand he had knocked my tin over, pebbles spilling everywhere. He laughed and laughs, I can almost feel it in my chest. Being a snotty 8 year old I most probably yelled or burst in to tears. It's a strange favourite memory, and it's a little sad. It's my favourite memory because in that moment he was like any other older brother who took pleasure in tormenting their baby sister. Hearing myself recounting this memory, I cried. I felt disappointed that I wanted him to be normal and I also grieved because he's not. It's not an easy topic to research. Perhaps it's not very professional to share my memories and experiences with these people. But I find it really difficult. For one thing all of them know me, my brother and my family. It would be strange to suddenly severe all those connections. But even more significantly I find it impossible to sit there while people share with me some really personal, and sometimes painful things and not give them something in return. For this reason I feel ok sharing, in fact I feel it's kind of necessary. Anyway it's an emotional topic but at the moment I am finding it really rewarding. The people I have talked to are fantastic, they have incredible and important things to say and I'm the person who gets to share them and I can't help but hope I can make a teensy weensy bit of difference.