Not another f**king sunny day!

I am very cranky this morning. When I woke up and opened the curtains I sighed it's another beautiful day where I spend all of it inside. Right now I am feeling sorry for myself and a like there are a few tears in my tummy swimming around.There is a month to go and there is still a lot to be done I have written my big research report (worth 100%) and all that's left is to do a final draft and then the final copy and I feel pretty good about that, out of all my work this year that is the one that has seemed the most impossible, it's also been the one that has tested me the most: I have had to come to terms with my own feelings around having a brother with high and complex needs, I have had to deal with my social anxiety and feeling of inadequacy to interview people and I have had to work hard to respect their voices while still putting forward my own, plus having to self motivate, set my own deadlines, and work by myself all year. So at least I have accomplished that and going by my supervisors comments I will likely pass. The three other essays are not as under control. I am writing an essay on the possibility of feminist conversation analysis ( a really precise methodology for the analysis of conversations) which I am really interested in I'm just worried I won't be able to pull it all together. I am also writing an essay on rugby in New Zealand, nation building and masculinity (how rugby has helped to build the new Zealand 'nation' since British settlement and how this has established a national masculinity in the same process) . . . not something I thought I would ever write or be interested in, but I am and I'm really enjoying finding out all this information I didn't know, then again it does feel a little scary writing an essay on something I knew very little about prior. The last essay I am writing is on third wave feminism and the questions this raises for social theory (what counts as theory, who can be theorists, who should theory be for etc) which again I am really interested in, at the moment I am kind of consumed by the idea of theory and theorists and all the issues involved in that. I guess it kind of shows how I am struggling with my increasingly 'academic' self. Social theory was the class I least wanted to do and the class I have found the most demanding, but it's also the class I have got my best mark in. I think I do best when doing something I don't think I can do, that's really difficult and that really tests me. So maybe I'll do well this year after all. After talking about all this I feel a bit more enthusiastic to get into these essays and see what I'm capable of. I feel a bit more cheerful too. So thank you imaginary audience :)

Disclaimer: When I say 'am writing' I haven't actually started writing, at all.