I am the proud new owner of an ergonomic keyboard and a mouse that glows blue! I was writing the feminism and conversation analysis I was talking about and around 8 o'clock I got this agonizing pain in my wrist that moved up to my elbow. So I freaked out just a tiny bit, gave it a rub, wrapped it in a bandage, and decided not to use it for the rest of the night. All the while my oh so darling boyfriend got on trade me and found a keyboard and mouse for me - working on a laptop for another mouse would have destroyed my left arm. So anyway I am using them now which has made a big difference and the novelty hasn't warn off yet so it makes writing more fun :) I have it all sorted I have a snugly blanky on my desk that covers the part where I put my arm on the desk (it was freezing on there before, I would get too hot because I needed am extra jersey just to keep that part of my arms warm), I have charlies big laptop on top of my giant dictionary and a third wave feminism encyclopedia so it's at the right height, then I have my new key board propped up with some nifty egg carton craft at the perfect slope and my new mouse on the cardboard back of a book (I'm not shelling out for a mouse pad).
In other news, this is hard. I'm finding writing and editing harder than I thought. At the moment I am trying to narrow my 15,000 word project down to 10,000 (I can't seem to get it under 13,000). One of the things that makes me uncomfortable about it is that I have to cut the words of the people I have interviewed as well, which just doesn't seem right. But I'm trying to tell myself if I make my project less wordy and more clear I am giving more strength to their voices anyway. The other part that's hard is that i find part of the research pretty upsetting so I keep wanting to stop and have a break, but then I don't have the time and if I do keep having breaks it makes it harder to come back. That's another thing, even though I am working harder and longer than I have before I don't feel like it's enough and no matter how hard Iwork I can't get rid of this lingering stress and guilt.
I got an email from my mum today asking if I have time to see my brother in about 2 weeks time, obviously I don't. But then I already said no once which brought me to tears and gave me a sad tummy for a couple of days. Plus my brother hasn't come to Wellington in the four years I have lived here so It's pretty much a once in a lifetime opportunity. It's kind of a catch-22 situation, if I say know I will feel awful again and if I say yes I will stress about it and will have that much time less to work. But at least if I say yes I will get to see him and I'm sure it would make me happy. Sigh. The missing out on stuff and having to say no all the time is possibly the hardest part of honours.
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